The Big Fat Positive

I can only assume that almost all women who are ‘sexually active’, no matter what contraception they might be using, have had a pregnancy scare at least once.

Being young, single and participating in what I would class as healthy sexual relations I was quite conscientious about staying protected. I was using the combined pill at the time, I had been on it for years and had no serious issues so it worked for me, 21 days on and 7 days off just like clock work. On collecting my prescription in October 2017 I was left confused as to what the pharmacist had given me, a completely different type of pill I had no idea about. So after calling the doctor and having her explain why she had suddenly changed my contraception and reading thoroughly through the info booklet I thought I’d give them a go. BIG MISTAKE! Me and this new mini pill did not work well together! I had to take this pill at pretty much the exact same time everyday without a break or I would just start bleeding, I got really sore breasts and cramps, it just wasn’t working for me so I made another appointment to request going back to my original, tried and tested method of pregnancy prevention.

Now during all this palaver with the pill, I occasionally meeting up with a guy that drank in my pub. Things were very casual and it was fun and neither of us had plans for it to go any further then that.

Fast forward 5 weeks and I’m back on the combined pill, my 7 day break is due to start but low and behold nothing happens, no period, no usual tell tale signs that it’s on its way. “It will just be because of the change from the mini pill last month, nothing to worry about” I found myself saying over and over while I batted away any notion of being pregnant from my mind. Patiently I waited till the week break was up and aunt Martha still being a no show I bit the bullet and bought a pregnancy test. So I contacted Mr A (this is how he will be known from now on) and let him know, as I thought this was only right, what was going on. He promptly responded and agreed we should do the test together so no one would be blind sided to the results and we could discuss the next steps dependant on the outcome.

I can say I have never ever been so nervous and numb at the same time, so much so that I couldn’t even look at the results. Still convinced it was only a glitch in my monthly pattern, all would be okay and we would laugh it all off as though nothing had happened, I wasn’t quite prepared for the way I reacted when a line came up in the test window. I just sat dumbfounded, unable to move, talk or even feel anything. “What the actual f***!”, “How the…this can’t be happening”. Were the only thoughts I could summon to my brain.

I remember just sitting there, not saying anything for a little while, Mr A was trying to pry thoughts and words from me as I had gone into shock and just stared ahead in utter disbelief. Finally I came to and we just sat there together, two completely terrified people having to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. After a lot of tears and pacing about time had ran away from us, it had gotten quite late so we decided to part for the night and give ourselves a night to sleep and think things through. A chance to at least fully absorb the situation we were in and come back to talk things over the next day.

Although this is a moment in my life I will never forget, it was just the beginning of many big decisions I would have to make. So many questions that I needed to answer, Did I want to go ahead with this pregnancy? What would Mr A want to do? Could I do this alone if I had to? What about my work and my studies?

Decisions, decisions, decisions! I definitely had a lot to think about. It feels good to be talking through my whole experience openly and honestly and I’m glad to be taking you guys on this crazy journey with me.

Soph xx

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